July 18, 2004

Though you've been gone now for almost three weeks, today I finally came much closer to realizing that. At least realizing that you aren't here to talk to on the phone, to get email from, to visit... and that realization became a great gray place of inexplicable sadness.

I can only resign myself to feel your missing. I can't make sense yet of the thoughts my head tries to attribute to what my heart is telling me. I just know that I feel both horribly alone in the world and yet part of the tribe of beings who know this territory. I hope like hell right now that my new tribe knows more than I do about this because I don't have the foggiest idea of what to do, or even if there is anything I should do. Maybe just being quiet is best for now.

Dad is doing heroically well. Once again he shows that he still has something to teach this arrogant child. He misses you. You were his greatest friend in the world. But he continues to greet the day, dress for the job at hand, and pray at night. I think that at the end of the day his pride in who you were and how many lives you touched ultimately overcomes the loss he feels.

Maybe I describe myself in that...

I really miss you.

your son

 
[ Hey Jude... ]