September 27, 2004

I received a letter from you today, a letter you wrote 36 years ago to a wayward and lost son who was fighting in the only way he knew to stand solidly in his convictions and beliefs.

It was a hard time for us, our family, and each of us personally. What you did not know when you wrote that letter was that I felt you, I felt your wisdom, your spirit, your guidance, and your trust. It was that more than anything else imaginable or unimaginable that got me through the time. It was frightening. It was like traveling to the very brink, feeling alone and standing without family, comrades, or any safety net. Knowing you were there — feeling you there — was the one thing that not only kept my feet moving but gave me the courage to face each day. No matter how much I felt distanced from my family for my beliefs and convictions, I always knew that you trusted I would do the right thing and find the right way.

The degree to which I know that today is experienced in the degree to which I miss you. And I miss you every day.

Thank you for that. I now know that beyond all else, the saddest thing in the world is to lose a mother and not care, not grieve, not miss her. This pain is a final gift that I cherish.

Your son

 
[ Hey Jude... ]